From book,”Tomato Soup for Judges and Lawyers” imaginin
21st Century criminal laws
They five sattogether at Goa beach
One was plaintiff’slawyer
One was a defendant’slawyer
One was a criminallawyer
One was a Judge
And one was abusinessman
Together they talkedtipsy
“Don’t you think
We must have some say
in appointment ofJudges”,
Criminal Lawyeremptied his glass
“That won’t benecessary at all”
The businessman brokethe bad news,
‘Government isplanning now
to disinvest entirejudicial industry
And bids too havecome
“Multinational brands have offered
One Court in everyMall
Justice in 30 days or refund of court fee paid
Foreign Direct Investment has offers 10,000,000 crores
On only one condition
its Chairman should be apoindet lifetime Chief Justice of India”
Businessman said in ahusky voice
Shocked Judge spokefirst,
“How can they deliver
Justice in 30 days?
Businessmanexplained,
“World over peopleare trying
To replace judgeswith computers;
Evaluation ofevidence
To be replaced with
Calculation ofevidence
One blow means threeyears R.I.
Two blows mean sixyears R.I.
Feed key facts and data in computers,
and press a button
Out comes trial courtjudgement!
Press another button
And out comesAppellate Judgement!
Press last button
And out comes SupremeCourt order saying,
‘We regret to dismissyour SLP
Come again after sixmonths
If circumstanceschange
We appreciated relations with you”
Businessman saw thefuture of Law in India
“Oh! No, My friend,No.
You just don’tunderstand
What exactly isCriminal Law”
Criminal Lawyer brightened up,
“Let me give you aDemo” he said
He took out arevolver from his pocket
And shot downbusinessman
With three bullets, there and then
Just in order to givea demo
He turned to stunnedaudience,
Put revolver in hispocket
And explained,
whatexactly is criminal law!
“The whole object ofcriminal law is
not tolet criminals know
What exactly iscriminal law!
“If they know what iscriminal law,
Will they not startcommitting
Crimes in accordance with law?
“To keep them gropingin dark,
Criminal law mustkeep changing
From facts to facts
From case to case
From courts to courts
From bench to bench
From counsel to counsel
And from hour tohour”
Criminal lawyer aptlyexplained
Why computerizationcan’t work
At least in criminallaw!”
And Then he calledthe police
To take away the deadbody
of businessmanforthwith
P.S. I. Came
And arrested all of the four
“I did nothing, I wasjust sitting”
The Judge protested
“I.P.C. 302 r/w 34 isthe charge,
Common intention can develop
on spur of moment;
No overt act isnecessary;
You judges have said this!”
P.S.I replied,
“Let us move
a common bailapplication for all”
Criminal lawyer showedthe way
Sessions Judgegranted bail
To all three lawyers:
But refused bail toJudge
As police had said,
Revolver was foundfrom Judge’s pocket
And Investigation wason
Desperate judge movedHigh Court
High Court rejectedbail
And ordereddepartmental inquiry
Against the judge
Double desperatejudge
Moved Supreme Court;
The Court of lastresort
Where all things areconsidered
To balance scales ofjustice
As matter came up foradmission,
Senior Judge threwthe opening ball,
“Tell us first, Mr. Counsel,
What business yourclient had
To sit with lawyersat Goa beach?
Didn’t he knew thecliché
A snake lives hidden
Under sleeves of every lawyer?”
“My lords!! My clientwas just sitting!
It was criminallawyer who did it,
Investigation isperverse wholesale!”
The counsel asserted
“Yeh, yah! we haveread that.
But you have to provethis in trial”
Brother judge saidsympathetically
“Tell us, who calledthe police?”
Brother judge asked apertinent question
“My Lords! Criminallawyer called police”
Counsel repliedcorrectly
“Then? Why would hecall police
if he had killedbusinessman?
In fact he shouldhave been made Complainant
If he will come tous,
We may dischargehim”,
Brother Judge saidputting down the file
And picking up thenext matter
Senior judge too putdown the case
but saidempathetically,
“Not a case forinterference under Art.136”
Counsel came out fromcourt
And conveyed theresult on cell phone
“SLP is dismissed
but there is nothingto worry;
the Judges have said,
After you havecompleted five years,
We can move another bail application”
Counsel put emphasison word We
For reasons bestknown to him
Haresh A. Raichura
(from my book “Tomato Soup for Judges and Lawyers”
Haresh A. Raichura 